"We needn't play at war because if we give birth, we go to war."

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, most of it pregnancy, birth, or baby-related (because, let's be honest, that's really all that's on my mind these days). I found a wonderful gem of a book called Great With Child: Letters to a Young Mother by Beth Ann Fennelly. It's a beautiful collection of letters about motherhood written by the poet and author, Beth Ann, to one of her newly pregnant friends. It's serious, funny, and quite informative all at the same time. In one of the letters, the author reflects on the natural birth she had with her first baby, and she offers the following advice after her friend admits to being scared of the pain of childbirth (who isn't?):

"I'm not going to call labor pains 'discomfort', and if I tell you to pack dark socks, I'll tell you why. But I'll also tell you the other half of the story, the part that our soon-to-be mothers need to know most:

You are a warrior. You are a warrior, and for your whole life your body has been warming up for this great fight. These last months have been consumed with training everything inside of you, all of the hormones and the loosening of the joints have been in preparation for this, and you are ready. You know, more or less, the day, the place, of your battle, and you will meet it because you are destined for it. It is the greatest challenge your body will ever know. Oh we women needn't play at war and its games like men I've known who can't disguise their aggression and excitement when the bombs begin falling on some country or other. We needn't play at war because if we give birth, we go to war, and at the deepest level, deeper than bone-deep, our evolutionary history tells us that it's a matter of life or death."

I've never seen birth described this way but I can really relate to these sentiments. We know birth is messy, painful (for most, though not all, women), and requires a great amount of courage and strength. Giving birth truly is like going to war. And, let me tell you, you definitely emerge a warrior from that experience (no matter how wounded you are when you come out of it).

I remember after my first birth feeling like I had not only been to war and back-- physically and mentally--but that I needed to give my body and spirit the time and space to recover from what can only be described as a grueling battle that left me feeling depleted and weak. I felt that although I had emerged successfully (and alive) on the other side of that battle, I also hadn't prepared adequately for the enormity of the physical task that a natural childbirth would entail. It became clear to me that I had done a pretty good job at preparing myself mentally for the birth, but physically? I could've done a whole lot better.

So what have I been up to these days?

Besides reading and mentally preparing myself for the endeavor of bringing my second child into this world sometime in May or June, I'm trying to get back in shape. I know that birth is an immensely physical experience (for most of us, it is the single most physically demanding task our bodies will ever experience). Some compare giving birth to running a marathon; I like to think of it as going to war. I know that it will require a great amount of physical stamina to both endure it and recover from it, and I know that, at this very moment, I am not ready.

So here are my exercise goals for the new year and, specifically, the next 5 months:
- Squats, squats, and more squats (Every. Single. Day. As many as I can muster.)
- Kegels
- Walks for at least 20 minutes each day (This one is the hardest to realistically accomplish every day. If you've ever tried to "go on a walk" with a toddler, you'll understand why.)
- Prenatal Yoga (For me, it's a great form of stress relief and feels almost as good as getting a massage)
- Belly-dancing to help prepare my hips and pelvis, and get baby into good position (Luckily, I've been attending a fantastic yoga/dance class that really gets me moving and stretching in ways that feel wonderful.)

I've got a lot of work to do to prepare myself for my natural childbirth--in many ways, but especially physically. I'm getting there, little by little, and I'm excited and ready to tackle the challenges ahead.

                                                         20 weeks