If You Want to Change the World, Love a Woman

If you want to change the world… love a woman-really love her.
Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense.
Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen.
Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing-
every winged one, every furry and scaled one,
every underground and underwater one, every green and flowering one,
every not yet born and dying one…
Hear their melancholy praises back to the One who gave them life.
If you haven’t heard your own name yet, you haven’t listened long enough.
If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet,
you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.

If you want to change the world… love a woman-one woman
beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason,
beyond your male preferences for youth, beauty and variety
and all your superficial concepts of freedom.
We have given ourselves so many choices
we have forgotten that true liberation
comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire
and burning through our resistance to Love.
There is only one Goddess.
Look into Her eyes and see-really see
if she is the one to bring the axe to your head.
If not, walk away. Right now.
Don’t waste time “trying.”
Know that your decision has nothing to do with her
because ultimately it’s not with who,
but when we choose to surrender.

If you want to change the world… love a woman.
Love her for life-beyond your fear of death,
beyond your fear of being manipulated
by the Mother inside your head.
Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her.
Say you’re willing to LIVE with her,
plant trees with her and watch them grow.
Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty,
by helping her to remember every day that she IS Goddess
through your adoration and devotion.

If you want to change the world… love a woman
in all her faces, through all her seasons
and she will heal you of your schizophrenia-
your double-mindedness and half-heartedness
which keeps your Spirit and body separate-
which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self
for something to make your life worth living.
There will always be another woman.
Soon the new shiny one will become the old dull one
and you’ll grow restless again, trading in women like cars,
trading in the Goddess for the latest object of your desire.
Man doesn’t need any more choices.
What man needs is Woman, the Way of the Feminine,
of Patience and Compassion, non-seeking, non-doing,
of breathing in one place and sinking deep intertwining roots
strong enough to hold the Earth together
while she shakes off the cement and steel from her skin.

If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman .
Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel.
Love her through her fear of abandonment
which she has been holding for all of humanity.
No, the wound is not hers to heal alone.
No, she is not weak in her codependence.

If you want to change the world… love a woman
all the way through
until she believes you,
until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion,
her wildness have returned to her-
until she is a force of love more powerful
than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.

If you want to change the world,
lay down your causes, your guns and protest signs.
Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger
and love a woman…
beyond all of your striving for greatness,
beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment.
The holy grail stands before you
if you would only take her in your arms
and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.

What if peace is a dream which can only be re-membered
through the heart of Woman?
What if a man’s love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine
is the key to opening Her heart?

If you want to change the world…love a woman
to the depths of your shadow,
to the highest reaches of your Being,
back to the Garden where you first met her,
to the gateway of the rainbow realm
where you walk through together as Light as One,
to the point of no return,
to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.

~Lisa Citore

What a beautiful poem. It's a good reminder that femininity has an important place in today's society and that we should all strive to achieve a healthy balance of feminine and masculine qualities in our lives. Some might disagree with me on this, but I believe that the new wave of American feminism seeks to eradicate (or at least downplay) more "feminine" qualities (that includes being sensitive, intuitive, cooperative, soft, graceful, and motherly) in favor of more "masculine" ones (being assertive, strong, rational, logical, dominant, and a provider). Why not strive to achieve both feminine and masculine qualities in our lives? 

Perhaps it's the separation that makes some people uncomfortable, because they don't like classifying certain traits as inherently "feminine" or "masculine" (or don't think that they should be classified that way anyway), and I get that. However, I would also posit that this discomfort is a byproduct of American feminism, which encourages us to value one set of qualities over another, thus making "feminine" qualities seem less appealing or a sign of weakness. This poem reminds us that our feminine side has a lot to offer. The line "love a woman" can be interpreted literally, or we can think of it metaphorically, as a call to embrace the feminine power within all of us and to trust our emotions and intuitions as much as we trust the more logical and rational parts of ourselves.

If you'd like to learn more about the author of this poem, Lisa Citore, you can visit her website here. She's also written the counterpart to this poem, "If You Want to Change the World, Love a Man" which is available here.

A Home Away From Home

One thing I have truly missed since moving out to California has been the yearly visits I used to make to our family cabin in Wisconsin while I was living just two and half hours away in St. Paul, Minnesota. Jorge and I would always go up at least once in the summertime to indulge in bonfires, warm swims in the lake, and 4th of July fireworks off the dock. Sometimes I joined family there for the holidays in the winter as well (when I wasn't flying back to Idaho) to enjoy the pristine frozen lake, snowy walks through the forest, and cozy conversations by the fireplace.

I am realizing now that I sometimes took the cabin for granted while I was living so close to it. I miss the peace of mind it provided, the relaxing warm atmosphere, the family gatherings, and the beautiful forest and lake. The sanctuary it provided was nourishment for my soul and so healthy for my well-being. I was reminded of this after reading a short vignette in a magazine sent to me by my cousin, Nadia, about a cabin by a lake:

 "We're not so different from elephants. We travel in groups, we prioritize family, and like the elephants of Sri Lanka, we migrate annually toward water. Every year during the dry season, these elephants congregate with their families on the shores of Minneriya Lake. Researchers have noted that here, by the lake, the elephants renew old friendships and play together. They eat and flirt and bathe and drink. They are lazy. They swim in the sun, and rest in the shade. Like us, they are social and ritualistic and proud. 

In many ways, our annual migration out of our urban lives to a familiar shore can be understood scientifically: the air is hot, the water is cool; the cities are smoggy, the country is fresh; human eye muscles are most relaxed when settled on the horizon line; swimming is physically redemptive and psychologically meditative; beer tastes better on a dock. Perhaps, though, there is much that can't be so systematically reduced. Were we to be observed the way elephants are, by researchers from a distance trying to better understand our peculiar habits, would they notice that we open up to each other when we spend a few days in a cabin? How conversation gets easier and relationships strengthen? Would they notice how lying on our backs on the dock at night reminds us of when we were kids? Would they notice that we fret less about what and when we are going to eat, but more regularly and eagerly gather around food? Would they notice that our tendencies change: that we read more, sleep more, fuss less over details?

At the lake we don't mind that the shower keeps breaking or that the stove never works properly--we have affection for the dumpy and rusty and rickety things because we associate them with last summer, with childhood, with feeling small and content in a big and slow-moving world. We love the lake partly because it is not our home. Like the elephants, we accept that our life cannot always be so idle, leisurely, and peaceful. We accept that we can't always play cards until 2 a.m., skinny dip under the stars, and live off avocado sandwiches and pickles. Yet, like the elephants during dry season, we indulge for a couple of weeks each year in this necessary luxury, and return to ordinary city life more at home and more alive."

From Kinfolk: A Guide for Small Gatherings (Vol. 4)

Baby #1 is On the Way!

We’re excited to announce that we are expecting a baby in February of next year! Though the pregnancy came as a bit of a surprise to us, this child is a true blessing and we cannot wait to become parents and start our family together.

If you have noted a decrease in the frequency of posts on here recently, now you know why. We have been busy planning for the next few months and preparing for the arrival of a new person in our lives. (I have also been cooking a lot less these past few months because of first trimester nausea that has made it difficult to be in the kitchen for any significant amount of time!)

Though everything seems so new, exciting, and a bit scary right now, I am doing a fairly good job at keeping my mind at ease and remaining stress-free about all of the big changes happening in my life. When you accept change openly and are comfortable relinquishing some level of control over your life, you are able to live a simpler and happier existence. Working towards positive changes in life is important, but we should try not to “force” reality to conform to our every wish, or we risk ending up unhappy and dissatisfied. Many surprises in life are beautiful and I strongly believe that we often try too hard to control everything in our lives and that this just leads to more stress and unhappiness in the end (when things don’t turn out as planned). One of the biggest causes of frustration and sadness is the gap between how we want things to be and how they really are. Even if you don’t necessarily believe in some sort of deity or universal power having a say in how your life turns out, it can be amazingly freeing to just let go and allow nature to decide certain things for you. Remember that everything in life is temporary and that you will have to let go of everything eventually.

Though I think it is important to be in a committed and loving relationship before you start thinking about having kids, babies don’t always need to be “planned” or to fit perfectly within your “10-year plan”. The timing of our child may not be ideal in the eyes of some (we have a wedding to plan for next year, I have a new job starting this week, and perhaps we aren’t as financially ready as we should be), but we strongly believe the universe has a plan for us and that things will work out just fine in the end. Life is full of miracles and you may miss them if you are too busy trying to control every little detail around you. The only thing you have control over is how you respond or react to the circumstances in your life. We couldn't be happier. =)

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.

-Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

On Faith and Science

The following excerpt is from a novel called I Married You for Happiness by Lily Tuck:

            She is not religious. She does not believe in an afterlife, in the transmigration of souls, in reincarnation, in any of it.

            But he does. “I don’t believe in reincarnation and that other stuff and I don’t go to church but I do believe in God,” he tells her.

            Where were they then? Walking hand in hand along the quays at night, they stop a moment to look across at Notre-Dame.

“Mathematicians don’t necessarily rule out the idea of God,” he answers. “And, for some, the idea of God may be more abstract than the conventional God of Christianity.”

            At her feet, the river runs black and fast, and she shivers a little inside her leather bomber jacket.

“Like Pascal,” he continues, “I believe it is safer to believe that God exists than to believe He does not exist. Heads God exists and I win and go to heaven,” he motions with his arm as if tossing a coin up in the air. “Tails God does not exist and I lose nothing.”

            “It’s a bet,” she says, frowning. “Your belief is based on the wrong reasons and not on genuine faith.”

            “Not at all,” he answers. “My belief is based on the fact that reason is useless for determining whether there is a God. Otherwise, the bet would be off.”

            Then, leaning down, he kisses her.

This was one of my favorite passages in the book. I think using reason to “prove” or “disprove” any kind of spiritual belief is mostly pointless and counter-productive. Spirituality is not meant to be something than can be proven through science. We must allow people the freedom to explore spirituality, intuition, metaphysics, and abstract concepts, without fearing ridicule and rejection from the scientific community.

Allow your intuition and your emotions to guide your faith and to enrich your understanding of the transcendental realm of life. Understand that not all things can be proven; not all things can be seen; and not all things can be understood by everyone. Your spiritual beliefs are a culmination of all of your past experiences, fears, hopes, and dreams, and it is foolish to assume that others will necessarily experience spirituality exactly the same way you do (or even experience it at all). Thus, let’s not waste our precious time debating the existence of God and whether we can prove God. Let’s remember that rational thinking is not all there is and that it is not the only lens through which to view our existence.

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." -Buddha

Allowing Nature to Support and Heal You

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” –Einstein

Nature is my religion. That is what I often tell people. Anytime I am out in nature, whether it be hiking through a forest, walking along the beach, or laying on the grass looking up at the sky, I am always immediately overcome with feelings of calm, peace, and acceptance.

I have gone on a hike every weekend for the past month and half or so. Usually it is in one of the many parks and nature preserves nearby, but still far enough that I am removed from urban life for a while. I find that these weekly outings are incredibly beneficial for my wellbeing. Not only do they provide me with beautiful scenery, fresh air, and quietness, but I am also in the company of good friends, which make these trips all the more pleasant and rejuvenating.

Though I enjoy experiencing the wonders of nature with others, it is also important to experience nature by yourself sometimes. The universal connection we share with all living beings and the grandeur and beauty of life are often best absorbed when you are completely alone in a natural setting (of course, we are hardly ever “alone” in nature since we are surrounded by so much life). I strongly encourage you to take a walk in nature by yourself every once in a while, even for just a few minutes. It is impossible not to feel revitalized when doing so. Journeys into nature help to quiet the mind. If you allow them to, these outings will bestow you with a sense of serenity that is rarely achieved elsewhere, especially in our hectic urban lives.

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” –Emerson

How often, when walking around outside, do we actually use our sense of touch to physically feel our natural world? If you can, try to experience nature in the most “natural” way possible. This does not necessarily mean stripping off your clothes and running around naked (though you are certainly welcome to try that, too!) but giving yourself the opportunity to experience the outdoors the way nature intended us to. Take off your shoes and walk barefoot for a while. Lose the hat and sunglasses and allow the sun’s rays to penetrate your skin for a few minutes. You may suddenly feel very vulnerable, but these sensations will make you realize how disconnected with are from nature a lot of the time. Allow yourself to touch the various textures of the outdoors (bark, stones, grass, dirt, leaves, etc.). Lay on the ground and feel the reassuring support of the strong earth beneath you. 

We have a lot to learn from nature. Let mother earth support you and guide you through times of hardship, pain, and suffering. If only we would let it, nature would provide us with all we really need to live happy, peaceful, and healthy lives.

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles." -Anne Frank

Science of Mind: My Own Path to Spiritual Expansion

A few months ago, Jorge and I started seriously looking around for churches or spiritual centers we could attend on a regular basis so that we could bond spiritually and expand our own spiritual awareness. We have both always been spiritual people and have sought out, and experienced, that spirituality in different ways over the course of our lives. However, until now, we had not found a place where we could go that felt right for the both of us. We wanted a church that fit our values and that was open-minded enough to accommodate for a wide range of belief systems and a wide range of people. At the East Bay Church of Religious Science, we found just that.

Having never been one to attend church services while growing up (apart from the occasional Christmas Eve service), I have always been skeptical of churches. I always entered them feeling a sense of defensiveness, distrust, and, sometimes, even anger. What I realized over the past few years though, is that my idea of what a "church" was had been greatly influenced by all of the negativity that surrounds religion, and none of the positive stuff. When I entered churches, I thought of sexism, racism, patriarchy, hypocrisy, and close-mindedness. Surely, all of those things are still very present in some churches and among some believers and, unfortunately, give a bad name to religion as a whole. But I also believe that these negative things come about through the human tainting of religion, misreadings and misinterpretations of religious texts, and even a true lack of religiosity among even the strongest of "believers". You can't claim to be a true Christian and still be racist or believe that we shouldn't help the poor! When I started to comprehend religion in this light, I began to shed some of my initial misgivings and started on a quest to find a religious/spiritual community that was right for me.

I entered the East Bay Church of Religious Science with an open mind and, luckily for me, was greeted with just that. Religious Science (or Science of Mind) is a New Age spiritual philosophy that is "a correlation of the laws of science, opinions of philosophy, and revelations of religion applied to human needs and the aspirations of man" (as explained by Earnest Holmes, its founder). It is a non-denominational, progressive, and open-minded spiritual community that encourages living in the present, adapting your beliefs to fit your experiences, and that unconditional love is the first step in spiritual transformation.

"We believe that love is the answer to all human discord and that peace begins in our own hearts, our own homes and in our own communities. When we love and accept ourselves and every person as a Divine Being, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, gender or sexual orientation, there is no room for conflict." - Rev. Dr. Elouise D. Oliver (East Bay Church of Religious Science)

The building it is housed in looks nothing like a church and, in fact, the ministers and practitioners there refer to it as a "spiritual development center" not a church. The first half hour of every service is devoted to meditation, which is truly a wonderful way to begin any exploration of spirituality. The attendees are a diverse group: young, old, hipsters, hippies, business men and women, and people of every race/ethnicity. It is a genuine reflection of the diverse community where we live. The services are not preachy and encourage you to apply the philosophy to your own life in a way that works for you. Here, "God" is an open-ended concept that can be defined however you want. I tend to define "God" as the Universal Spirit or Presence that is most profoundly felt when you are in nature, but this is a fluid definition that is always open to revision and expansion.

I have finally found a spiritual center that is exactly what I want. We look forward to attending the Sunday services every week, and I love the peace, happiness, and calmness of mind I gain from being a part of such a welcoming, diverse, and inspiring community of people. Did I mention that it's also only a 20 minute walk from our house? We get to work exercise into the outing, which is a lovely way to start off our Sunday mornings. :)

For more information on the Science of Mind philosophy, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_Science. Or, delve even deeper, and read Ernest Holme's The Science of Mind. We just ordered it from Amazon and I can't wait to read it!


"Continuous spiritual expansion is my highest good, and I am fearless in my pursuit of love and wisdom. My greatest path lies within me. I willingly and quietly follow wherever it leads me." 
- Science of Mind Magazine, March 4, 2012